揪出菲律賓聲明稿中的「壞英文」

菲律賓在12日針對其海岸特警隊槍擊台灣漁船發表了一份書面聲明，除了未道歉、未提懲凶、賠償等重點問題，它還是一份典型未切中要領、使人惱怒的聲明。

菲律賓聲明全文：

Statement of Undersecretary Abigail F. Valte:
On the incident that occurred on May 9, 2013
[Released on May 12, 2013]

As the Philippine Coast Guard has stated, we express our heartfelt sorrow on the unfortunate situation that occurred during one of the anti-illegal fishing patrols conducted by a Philippine fishery law enforcement vessel (MCS 3001) within the maritime jurisdiction (waters off the Batanes group of islands) of the Philippines on the morning of May 9, 2013, which tragically resulted in the death of a fisherman from one of the fishing vessels reportedly poaching in the area.

We extend our sincere and deepest sympathies and condolences to the bereaved family of the victim.

The investigation has commenced with the arrival of the commander of MCS 3001 and that he, together with the crew, have been relieved of their duties. The Philippine Coast Guard, together with other agencies, assures everyone that this investigation will be conducted in an impartial, transparent and expeditious manner.

Moving forward, relevant agencies will look into ways to prevent similar incidents from happening in the future.

Mr. Antonio Basilio, Resident Representative of the Manila Economic and Cultural Office in Taiwan, has visited the family of the victim and extended condolences and offered his apologies.

Posted in Briefing Room, Office of the Presidential Spokesperson | Comments Off

一份好的聲明怎麼寫，我們用英文statement的角度來看。

1、One long quote from the same source──that's all a statement is. But not too long. Half a page is plenty.

聲明不是新聞稿。新聞稿是為了交代事件發生始末或因果；而聲明是表達立場、意見，讓人（多半是媒體）可以「引述」你的內容。大家都知道的事就不必贅述。像菲律賓警衛隊槍殺台灣漁民這件事實，就不需要在聲明中著墨。菲律賓聲明的第一段，冗長佔版面，全無意義。

2、Make every sentence count.

每一句話都重要。一般的聲明只有半頁的篇幅，但是這並不代表全文都會被用上，也許只有一、兩句話被引述，所以務必確定，每句話都要有意義、能成立。

文中出現的“Relevant agencies”（相關單位），是一個最官樣也不負責任的代名詞。

（O）We assure everyone that this investigation will be conducted in an impartial, transparent and expeditious manner.
（X）relevant agencies will look into ways to prevent similar incidents from happening in the future.

3、Write in first person.

不要事不關己，Statement是你說的話，應該從你的角度出發，最好用第一人稱方式寫。菲律賓聲明的最後一段、文章最後一個字終於出現道歉（apologies），但卻是「他個人的」道歉，難道his apologies與菲律賓政府無關？

4、When you release a statement, you are going on permanent record, so choose your words wisely.

聲明是會留下永久記錄的，請聰明選字。一份好的聲明發揮影響力很大，大到可以避免一場戰爭。看一份聲明，就像聽一個人在說話，事故發生的時候，大家在等你本人怎麼說。寫完聲明，請大聲唸一遍！不要忘記，聽的人，希望聽到真誠！

作者簡介_世界公民文化中心

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